Domestic Abuse and Divorce
This link leads to a website that has a checklist to determine if you are experiencing domestic violence. Leaving an abusive relationship is an act of incredible courage and strength, and there are resources out there for support as you go through this process.
Leaving an abusive partner is one of the most dangerous phases in an abusive relationship. This is not meant to scare you, but to let you know that it is critical that you develop a safety plan Before You Even Bring Up A Divorce. Having a safety plan ready to go in advance of leaving will help keep you and your kids safe as you transition into a new, safe phase of your life. Click here for a threat assessment questionnaire. This is a tool that domestic violence advocates use to determine what level of risk someone is facing in an abusive relationship. Having more information and a clear idea of the risks you are facing are valuable tools for you–the more you know about what you’re up against, the more effective of a plan you can make to keep yourself and your family safe.
After using both of those tools, reach out to a domestic violence advocacy agency. An advocate can help you create a safety plan and connect you with resources–such as legal assistance, shelter, and resources for filing Orders for Protection.
Twin Cities Based Help Options
Below are a list of organizations we recommend reaching out to:
Below are a list of tips as you start developing your plan to leave safely:
Tips To Develop a Safety Plan
- Confide in someone. Abuse is often a very isolating experience and you may find that you have been isolated from family or friends. It isn’t easy to reconnect and speak up, but telling people who are close to you about what’s going on is a really important step. They can help provide support–both emotionally and logistically. Make sure you find a secure way to communicate with them, either in-person away from the person hurting you, or on a phone that the person hurting you can’t access.
- Document EVERYTHING! Any bruises, injuries, damage done to the home, threatening texts or voicemails. Keep a record of absolutely everything and give a copy to a friend or your attorney as well. It can be really triggering not to block someone who is hurting you, or to save all of their terrifying messages, but resist the urge to block them. You want all of the information you can get to show the court what’s happening. Mute them by all means, but save everything and don’t block them.
- It can also be helpful to keep a journal or take notes about your interactions with them. When you’re in a dangerous relationship, you’re likely going to be stuck in survival mode, which impacts our ability to encode memory. Having notes to turn back to can help you stay sane and remember all of the important evidence that you need to make sure that you and your kids stay safe.
- Go to a public library, or a trusted friend’s house to do research. You don’t want the person hurting you to accidentally discover your research before you are ready to leave.
- If the person hurting you has access to your phone or email, consider getting a burner phone and hiding it somewhere, or leaving it with a trusted friend. Also make sure that your attorney or other people who are helping you escape know not to leave voicemails or emails that the person hurting you can see.
Prepare Documents and Digital Copies
- Assemble paper and digital copies of as many documents as you can. Abusers often try to control access to important documents as a way to keep you trapped. Try to get ahold of any documents that you can. Make sure you know where they are so you can grab them when you are ready to go, and make scans of them in advance so you have digital backups. It’s super easy to scan documents on a smartphone–the iPhone Notes and Files apps have scanning functions, and you can also download scanning apps. If scanning isn’t an option, then take pictures.
- Plan a safe place to go when you do leave. If you can stay with a friend or family member, that is a great choice. If you can’t, there are options for shelters in Minnesota–some of which even have pet shelters so you can bring your pets with you to safety. You could also consider a hotel or Airbnb, but find a way to pay for these without letting the person who is hurting you know where you are staying (aka be mindful if you are using a credit card they have access to).
- Remember, you are the expert in your own situation. You know this person and the threat they pose better than anyone else. If something feels off, trust yourself. If you know their patterns or ways they are likely to respond, tailor your plan accordingly.
Expert Family Law Representation
At Lake Harriet Law, we work diligently for our clients to obtain the best possible settlement of contested case issues. If you are considering a divorce, contact our team to begin designing a legal strategy to protect your future.
Randall A. Smith – Managing Attorney 612-750-4843
Brianna Attamante – Student Attorney 612-223-8925
Shea Heier – Student Attorney 612-223-8925
Trinity Fritz Lawrence – Student Attorney 612-223-8925